Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Trent Lott's toupee is the work of bad carpet makers that decided as a prank they would convince a U.S. Senator that he would look cool if he wore it. Not since Burt Reynolds has the world seen a head of hair that looked as obviously fake.

Where do men like these get their head of hair you ask? Why New York Carpet World ofcourse. The store has a friendly staff that will help a customer find the proper head of hair and cut a piece for you. So come on down and get yourself some new hair so all your friends can say, "Hey, your hair looks as cool as Trent Lott's."

Friday, October 17, 2003

Mike Farrell is the Anti-Christ

Yeah, BJ Hunnycutt, that guy from M*A*S*H. Anybody who can go on national TV and tell a cop's widow that his convicted killer should be released must be the Anti-Christ.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Yankees suck!

Don Zimmer is the anti-christ! That's the problem with old people nowadays, they don't know their fucking place. They think they can do whatever they want and shouldn't be penalized just because they're old. Well you know what, fuck that! All of a sudden, he became this frail 75 year old with a walker! If he was so bad off, he should have used what's left of his half senile brain and realized that maybe charging your fat 300 pound ass as someone less than half his age may just get you hurt. I like to call it "grey muscles". By the way, I don't want to hear any shit about "I'll feel differently when I get old" because you know what, when I get old I have decided that I will act my age and simply age gracefully instead of trying to use my age as an excuse to do stupid things and get away with them.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Only The Anti-Christ Can Play Both Sides of The Fence:

Guess what? President Bush declared October 12th - 18th, Marriage Protection Week. Is it just a coincidence that MPWstarts one day after National Coming Out Day? Bush proclaimed that, "Marriage is a union between a man and a woman," and that this is "essential to the continued strength of our society." Numerous religious and conservative groups such as The Family Research Council and Focus on Family are using this week as the beginning of a year long campaign to keep the issue of gay marriage at the forefront of upcoming elections. The interesting thing about Bush's proclamation is that he neglected to mention anything about the Constitutional Amendment: The Federal Marriage Amendment. I'm guessing this whole thing was a move to appease the conservative base of the Republican Party, without alienating those who would oppose the FMA . Here's a quick alert Bush: You can't have it both ways - unless you're bi-sexual!

Possible Marriage Protection Week Seminars:
1. "Guns for Dads": Inner city children are encouraged to trade in their guns for information on their missing fathers. This seminar is meant to build families and lessen crime all at the same time. Held at Metro Cities Nationwide.
2. "Seven Brides for One Brother": Informational seminar for women looking to enter into shared marriages. Since there are more women than men, this only will help create larger families; hence a win-win situation. This is a Utah event only.
3. "Ten Ways to Hide Your Gay Lover" Focus on Family and The Catholic Church present special guest speaker, Ex -Gay Leader: John Paulk, discusses new ways to keep up heterosexual appearances not get caught backsliding at bars. Held at Catholic Churches Nation wide - Opening ceremony in Massachusetts
4. 'I'm Gay, You're Lesbian, Let's Get Married and Pretend To Be Straight." Mass marriage ceremony. All participants will now be able to honeymoon at Sandals Resort Jamaica. Ceremony to be held in Hollywood, California.
5. 'I'm gay! As long As I don't have sex, I'm okay" Informational meeting. Held at churches nationwide (Special Note: If you are Baptist you may also want to attend : "I'm gay, as long as I don't get baptized I'm okay")
6. "Marry Your Fag Hag "How to have it all...the appearance of a marriage and make money while doing it. Special guest speaker: David Gest.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Someone Else Has Found Him

The Iconoclast has weighed in.