Tuesday, April 20, 2004

In Defense of Porn

I have seen the enemy, and it is NOT me. Is
this guy for fucking REAL? You be the judge.

*after thinking about it a while*

I put my finger on what bugs me about that site. It's not that he's opposed to porn, or that he says Jesus is sitting on the throne waggling his finger at anyone who indulges in it. It's that he blames porn for his own problems.

The dude has a compulsion to read it. He uses religion as a crutch to break himself of an obviously destructive personal habit. More power to him - I'm all for self control. I'll applaud anyone who wants to kick alocholism or porn addiction or anything that takes over their lives. What bugs me is that he BLAMES porn for his problems. The notion that that porn is bad just because HE has a problem with it is ludicrous. It's like blaming the gun for the murder. Here's the quote from his sidebar:
This is an anonymous blog about my struggle with pornography. Though I am a Christian this is not wholly a Christian issue. I would think that anyone who thinks about it would realize that the degradation of women or men can not be a good thing. Pornography destroys lives.

BULLSHIT, dude. LOTS of people are capable of enjoying porn without it taking over their lives and wrecking them. Myself included. I KNOW WHEN TO TURN THE BROWSER OFF AND GO OUTSIDE TO PLAY. Blaming porn because YOU don't know that is ludicrous. And frankly, it does you a disservice by allowing you to falsely project part of the blame for your predicament outside of yourself. I realize that controllling compulsions is incredibly difficult. I do. But a statement like that above is patently false, and frankly, partially obfuscating the real issue.

And to those who would argue that those who are involved in porn's production are also damaged by it: Those people were damaged to begin with. Sure, lots of porn stars are incredibly fucked up damaged people (Savannah, anyone?), but if there were no porn industry, do you really think they'd be in church singing hymns every day? NO. They're FUCKED UP PEOPLE. They do FUCKED UP THINGS. If there were no porn industry, they'd probably just be doing junk in an alley with bums instead of in a porn studio with guys with 19 inch dicks. They're pretty much going to be drawn to chaos; the industry is merely the delivery system.

Now, this dude isn't totally full of shit -- he does partially blame himself. But that doesn't change the core issue that pornography is a THING. An inanimate object. Like a gun or a bottle of booze, it isn't inherently evil -- the good or the evil that comes of it is purely dependent on the person using it.

Thursday, January 08, 2004

There's nothing better than a good Tom Delay quote

Here's a great one from the Houston Press.

DeLay seemed to feel the issue applied personally to him, and perhaps it did. He had graduated from the University of Houston at the height of the Vietnam conflict in 1970, but chose to enlist in the war on cockroaches, fleas and termites as the owner of an exterminator business, rather than going off to battle against the Vietcong.

He and Quayle, DeLay explained to the assembled media in New Orleans, were victims of an unusual phenomenon back in the days of the undeclared Southeast Asian war. So many minority youths had volunteered for the well-paying military positions to escape poverty and the ghetto that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like himself. Satisfied with the pronouncement, which dumbfounded more than a few of his listeners who had lived the sixties, DeLay marched off to the convention.

Here's another on from the blog 181/2 Minute Gap.

Hilarity abounded, as when Tom DeLay took the stage and begain, "Good afternoon, or as John Kerry might say, bonjour." Ummm, Tom? Kerry's not the one with the French last name.

Delay on Meet the Press, Dec. 21, 2003.

"Go after Osama bin Laden"—I knew that that would be the first thing the Democrats said after we got Saddam Hussein. They said, "Oh, well, that's good we got Saddam Hussein, but you haven't gotten Osama bin Laden." What we have gotten is we've destroyed his network. The president took the war to them in Afghanistan. We can do both and we did both. We've upset the al-Qaida networks to the point that they can't do anything right now.

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge changed the national threat level from yellow to orange on the same day Delay declared "al-Qaida networks" destroyed on Meet the Press.

Last, but not certainly not least - Tom Delay the telemarketer.

First there was a recorded message: “This is Congressman Tom DeLay. I’m asking you to serve as an honorary chairman on our business advisory council, and you will be recognized with our national leadership award.”

Then, a telemarketer came on the line: “You’d be invited to private dinners with congressmen and quarterly strategy sessions in Washington.”

In the call, Helton was also promised an exclusive black-tie president’s dinner and his name in a newspaper ad.


Then came the pitch from the telemarketer: “We’re asking each chairman for a one-time gift of $300 or $500 for the ad. Can we count on your support?”

Helton replied: “That’s pushing my budget a little. Does it have to be paid all at once?”

“Would $100 or $200 be any better for you? And I could even split that down into two payments as well,” replied the telemarketer.

Helton, an independent voter who voted for Bush in the last presidential election, did not send a dime. “It was dishonest, it was sleazy, and it was certainly unbecoming a national party like this,” said Helton.

Sunday, November 23, 2003

The whole Nathaniel Heatwole fiasco has been in the news for awhile now. I thought I post some of what what the Smoking Gun wrote to show people how serious the breach to airport security was.

Remarkably, Heatwole sent an e-mail to the Transportation Security Administration on September 15 with a subject line reading, "Information Regarding 6 Recent Security Breaches." The e-mail, which carried Heatwole's name and telephone number, detailed how the writer smuggled box cutters, blades, a knife, bleach, and "a simulated plastic explosive" onto planes at Raleigh-Durham International Airport and Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Despite Heatwole's acknowledgement in the e-mail that his actions were illegal, TSA representatives apparently never bothered to investigate his claim. Heatwole's gambit, a misguided attempt to call attention to what he saw as lapses in airline security, triggered the inspection last week of the entire commercial air fleet, about 7,000 planes.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Further Argument for the Distributed Anti-Christ

Hi, kids. It's uncle Ian again. I know it's been a while since I wrote anything here, but I have something to say on the topic today. First, read this post to my own blog, powered by hate, vodka and greed:

Disturbing Trend

Ok, there's something going on that I have to say something about. So far, two VERY interesting blogs that I link to, full of hot sex stories (one with pictures), written by two very hot chicks, have disappeared off of the face of the earth. Why, you may ask, would someone deprive the planet (and myself) of such vicarious pleasure? In both cases, it's because someone the authors know found out about the blogs.

I mean, come ON. The nature of the internet is that anything placed on it is immediately available for public view. By anyone with access to a computer and a modem. ANYONE. Even your ex-spouses and parents. To expect that people you know aren't eventually going to find out about any publically accessed site you generate content for is absolutey asinine. It's going to happen. These two chicks wrote shit about thier lives that they felt they couldn't tell anyone they knew. But, they publically plastered this information in a forum that can be seen by ANYONE, including those people they didn't want to know in the first place.

Doesn't anyone else see the inherent flaw here? Especially if you use your real name. Google is so simple my great aunt can use it, for chrissakes. You think she doesn't search for her beloved nephew's name on it? Yes, she does. And she found this site once. She didn't like it, and disapproved heartily. But did I pack up and put a placeholder page here, saying "OH GOD MY FAMILY KNOWS MY DIRTY SECRETS NOW"? Hell, no! I showed her a copy of the first amendment and KEPT WRITING. Hell, she used to change my diapers, for god's sake, she's totally used to my shit.

Maybe it's a chick thing. I know for a fact that women do depraved shit and expect it to be kept a secret. And they get all bent out of shape when it's exposed to the world. Come on, ladies. Lighten up. Everyone knows that you're all whores deep down and that you get off on it. It's part of the human condition. Men are too. Let's just be what we are, let the chips fall where they may, and write about it on the internet so I can get a boner.

Now, if the two ladies in question are reading this, (WorldBounder and Shiv), let me just say that I really miss the shit you two used to write. Grow a pair and get back to those blogs, for chrissakes. I hate to see you get railroaded into some twisted societal conditioning where you cant be what you want to be, or do what what you want to do. You obviously WANTED to write these things, because you did. You only stopped because of stupid societal pressure. FUCK THAT. Be yourselves, and fuck anyone who doesn't like it square in the ASS. DO NOT FLINCH. PULL THE TRIGGER.

So who is the Anti-Christ in this scenario? We all are. The mantle of the Beast is distributed to us one and all. Societal pressure forces people to do stupid, asinine, and worst, BORING things every day. Why do we do this to each other? What's the point? Does it make us feel better? Possibly, in that we're somehow exercising control over oneanother, and that always feels empowering. But frankly, it's just not worth it to listen to people most of the time. Sure, some people need others for a moral or self-preservational compass, like, say, the insane. But most of us listen and heed the words of the others in our lives without question, and feel guilty when circumstances force us to be unable to do so.

I say, FUCK THAT NOISE. Do what you want. When someone says or does something that makes you feel like you shouldn't do what you want, you should SERIOUSLY examine thier motives, and why they want to stop you. If it's for some stupid, pointless societal reason that doesn't make any sense to you, FUCK THEM. Do it anyway. You'll feel better about yourself, I guarantee it. When you DO cave in, you're just doing what the Anti-Christ wants you to do.

Wednesday, October 22, 2003

Trent Lott's toupee is the work of bad carpet makers that decided as a prank they would convince a U.S. Senator that he would look cool if he wore it. Not since Burt Reynolds has the world seen a head of hair that looked as obviously fake.

Where do men like these get their head of hair you ask? Why New York Carpet World ofcourse. The store has a friendly staff that will help a customer find the proper head of hair and cut a piece for you. So come on down and get yourself some new hair so all your friends can say, "Hey, your hair looks as cool as Trent Lott's."

Friday, October 17, 2003

Mike Farrell is the Anti-Christ

Yeah, BJ Hunnycutt, that guy from M*A*S*H. Anybody who can go on national TV and tell a cop's widow that his convicted killer should be released must be the Anti-Christ.

Monday, October 13, 2003

Yankees suck!

Don Zimmer is the anti-christ! That's the problem with old people nowadays, they don't know their fucking place. They think they can do whatever they want and shouldn't be penalized just because they're old. Well you know what, fuck that! All of a sudden, he became this frail 75 year old with a walker! If he was so bad off, he should have used what's left of his half senile brain and realized that maybe charging your fat 300 pound ass as someone less than half his age may just get you hurt. I like to call it "grey muscles". By the way, I don't want to hear any shit about "I'll feel differently when I get old" because you know what, when I get old I have decided that I will act my age and simply age gracefully instead of trying to use my age as an excuse to do stupid things and get away with them.

Friday, October 10, 2003

Only The Anti-Christ Can Play Both Sides of The Fence:

Guess what? President Bush declared October 12th - 18th, Marriage Protection Week. Is it just a coincidence that MPWstarts one day after National Coming Out Day? Bush proclaimed that, "Marriage is a union between a man and a woman," and that this is "essential to the continued strength of our society." Numerous religious and conservative groups such as The Family Research Council and Focus on Family are using this week as the beginning of a year long campaign to keep the issue of gay marriage at the forefront of upcoming elections. The interesting thing about Bush's proclamation is that he neglected to mention anything about the Constitutional Amendment: The Federal Marriage Amendment. I'm guessing this whole thing was a move to appease the conservative base of the Republican Party, without alienating those who would oppose the FMA . Here's a quick alert Bush: You can't have it both ways - unless you're bi-sexual!

Possible Marriage Protection Week Seminars:
1. "Guns for Dads": Inner city children are encouraged to trade in their guns for information on their missing fathers. This seminar is meant to build families and lessen crime all at the same time. Held at Metro Cities Nationwide.
2. "Seven Brides for One Brother": Informational seminar for women looking to enter into shared marriages. Since there are more women than men, this only will help create larger families; hence a win-win situation. This is a Utah event only.
3. "Ten Ways to Hide Your Gay Lover" Focus on Family and The Catholic Church present special guest speaker, Ex -Gay Leader: John Paulk, discusses new ways to keep up heterosexual appearances not get caught backsliding at bars. Held at Catholic Churches Nation wide - Opening ceremony in Massachusetts
4. 'I'm Gay, You're Lesbian, Let's Get Married and Pretend To Be Straight." Mass marriage ceremony. All participants will now be able to honeymoon at Sandals Resort Jamaica. Ceremony to be held in Hollywood, California.
5. 'I'm gay! As long As I don't have sex, I'm okay" Informational meeting. Held at churches nationwide (Special Note: If you are Baptist you may also want to attend : "I'm gay, as long as I don't get baptized I'm okay")
6. "Marry Your Fag Hag "How to have it all...the appearance of a marriage and make money while doing it. Special guest speaker: David Gest.

Sunday, October 05, 2003

Someone Else Has Found Him

The Iconoclast has weighed in.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

The Clash Part II

I want to know who has sold out The Clash to satan? Now I've heard the lyrics to Police on my Back on the USA channel to promote Law and Order: SVU. I like that show but to use The Clash as a promotional tool goes against everything The Clash stood for. To make it worse I'm bringing back suppressed memories of London Calling being used on a car commercial and Should I Stay or Should I Go being used on a Smirnoff Ice radio ad. The last two were made while Joe Strummer was alive. Bring me the head of who is responsible.
Whoppi Goldberg Is The Anti-Christ!

Despite claiming to be a comedian, she has never made a funny movie (anyone for Sister Act 4?) and I have never seen her do stand up. She has been involved in god awful begathons with Steve Martin and Billy Crystal (two other non-funny, old men). She partook in a minstral act with notorious rug-wearer Ted Danson (toupees are only worn by sub-humans like Tony Curtis and Burt Reynolds). Then, she revived the lame-o Hollywood Squares.

If this wasn't damning enough, Whoopi now has some sort of sitcom. Most sitcoms are written by Satan himself. NBC has seen fit to advertise this disaster on buses. Yesterday, I saw the ad which features the slogan "New Comedy...No Apologies". No Apologies? Are they kidding? NBC had better apologize. They have foistered the Anti-Christ upon an unsuspecting America.
I'll make this one short. Whoever allowed The Clash's "London Calling" to be played as a commercial for some teen feel good chick flick is obviously in league with satan. Joe Strummer must be rolling in his grave.

Thursday, September 25, 2003

Since there was a previous post about Arnold Schwarzenegger, I thought I would post a parody movie of his appearance on "The Tonight Show."


We're talking about the guy that was in Hercules In New York, running for Governor of California. The parody flash movie for some reason seems closer to reality than what is going on in California.
Today I bring to the table a new concept to the identification evil: The Distributed Antichrist. Having just one person be the antichrist seems a bit predictable to me; also, would the forces of evil be so stupid as to put all their eggs in one basket? The proliferation of people who are slightly evil seems to dispute this fact.

We all know who they are. The ones who put American flag stickers on their SUV's on Sept. 12, 2001, once the stores were all open. The ones who buy Disney DVDs to indoctrinate their children. The ones who park in the handicapped space outside the drycleaners, justified because they're 'only going in for a minute'. (And who never seem to get ticketed for it, when I get tickets for fuckin' riding my bike without a helmet.) Middle management. These slightly evil people are in fact parts of a more monstrous whole.

Distributing the antichrist amongst these individuals was a stroke of genius by the Infernal powers: we have to be able to both find and slay ALL of them in order to avert the dominion of true evil over the world. And that ain't easy, kids. It takes constant and unwavering vigilance, a keen eye, and the guts to pull the trigger, and a dedicated cadre of hunters to do it. But this is no reason to shirk from the task. Nooooooo, sir. If you see someone on a cellphone, driving an SUV erratically down the highway, don't yell "FUCKER!" at them. Shoot them. In the head. Preferably with a high caliber firearm, but just about anything lethal will do. Keep an eye out for evil in your neighborhood, city, and state, and be willing to stamp it out. Just remember - it wants to do the same to you.

Monday, September 22, 2003

Tom Peters Must Be Sent Back To Hell

I hate consultants. They are the most useless, overpaid prostitutes in the world. They sell snake oil to companies, ruin them and move on to the next town. In the Old West, these guys would have had shot guns against their necks. In modern America, they receive millions of dollars. They draw suckers to Holiday Inn conference rooms to spend their last fifty dollars in the pathetic hope that they'll turn their dry cleaning shop around with this knowledge from the wizard.

The truly evil consultants become authors. That's where the big bucks come in. The suckers can buy the books, listen to the tape in their cars and pay $100 to see their guru in a basketball arena. In fact, most pro basketball coaches eventually become consultants. Instead of learning real skills, the suckers learn words like paradigm which they can use to impress their barbers.

However, there is one consultant who is the worst of a very bad lot. It is Tom Peters. This guy is The Anti-Christ. Tom has been around a long time. He started by selling excellence to America back in the eighties; now, Tom babbles pseudo-technospeak while shilling for a company called Sybase. I've heard his commercials for this company at least a dozen times and I have no idea what the scumbag is talking about.

This shitbag's website features something worthy of The Beast right at the top:

"You can smell caring [engagement, respect] from a mile away."
-seminar participant London

Smell caring? What is this bastard doing to these idiots? It is obviously the work of Satan. What human would talk this way normally?

Then, there is an interview with Tom, himself, on the site. Check out this crap:

" Q:Let's talk about 9/11 and al Qaeda. In your Introduction, you write: "On September 11, 2001, a tiny band of Internet-savvy fundamentalists humbled the world's only superpower. ... The concept of the virtual organization is essential to understanding how new business works. ... The new terrorists have proved to be masters of that concept." Did you have any hesitancy about starting out that way? Are you worried that people will get the wrong idea--that you are, in effect, glamorizing terrorism by likening it to business?

TOM PETERS: I grew up near Annapolis, Maryland. I was in the Navy for four years, two of them in Vietnam. The Naval Academy was right next door to me. My first actual job, at the age of 13, was as a tour guide for something called Historic Annapolis. One stop on that tour was the basement of the famous chapel at the U.S. Naval Academy where John Paul Jones, the father of the American Navy, is buried in a crypt. If I had a boyhood hero, it wasn't Washington, it was John Paul Jones, whose ship the Bonhomme Richard nailed the British Serapis.

Evan Thomas, a senior editor at Newsweek, just wrote a magnificent biography of John Paul Jones. It turns out that long before that famous battle, John Paul Jones was the only American who was attacking the Brits. He was doing it from a base in France. He would steal up the English coast, burn houses, steal silver. And John Paul Jones was called by the British, not a "soldier," but a "terrorist"--because he was putting the fear of God into the British, which was one of the main reasons they ended up deciding to stop the war.

Underarmed, underfunded fundamentalists--and what else were Americans in 1776 but fundamentalists?--have always chosen tactics that could be called terror tactics. Now, Jones did it for a damn good reason, and I love him dearly. Al Qaeda did it for the most miserable reasons ever heard of. In each case, it's the wily little enemy who doesn't have the resources, but has a better idea and a certain swiftness. And, leaving aside issues of war and death, what else would you call Bill Gates' attack on IBM, or Steve Jobs' attack on IBM, or Sam Walton's attack on Sears?

In a way, the last 100 years have been anomalous. The big German power versus the big French and the big British power, in World War I. The big German power versus the Russians and the Americans and the British, in World War II. But history, I think, is much more about wily, underarmed opponents surprising the incumbent, regnant power.

Q: Are you saying that we've gone through a similarly anomalous period of stability in the business sphere as well?

TOM PETERS: If you go back far enough, yes. Business schools thought they had an absolute bead on eternal best practices. Following World War II, and to some extent even before World War II, American corporations were preeminent on the planet. They formed a solid, established behemoth. Then, almost all at once, the whole damn thing began to unravel. Today, we think of Honda as a monster company. Honda wasn't even started until after World War II. And at the time that Honda took on the United States--first with the little motorbikes, then with cars--it was a pipsqueak."

Jesus, everything I learned about business I learned from Mohammed Atta. Oh, and those Big Germans in WWII! What a big conglomerate that was!

Steve Jobs? Sam Walton? His business examples prove Anti-Christ Peters is stuck in the 80s.

He ought to be sent back.

Friday, September 19, 2003

Dr. James Houran of The Southern Illinois University School of Medicine is The Anti - Christ

The Good Doctor has I'm sure wasted countless hours identifying a new psychiatric disorder known as Celebrity Worship Syndrome - a fascination with celebrities that can become an addiction. Houran, author of Hauntings and Poltergeists: Multidisciplinary Perspectives, whose areas of specialty are abnormal psychology and delusional thinking - including his own, has now coined a name for our obsessions with Jen and Ben.

"Celebrity fans are significantly likelier to suffer from anxiety, depression and social dysfunction than non-worshippers", so sayeth The Good Doctor. I mean who wouldn't have anxiety these days? What with the final season of Friends airing, Sidney from Alias waking up from a 2 year coma and Buffy off the air, I can bearly sleep at night. I get ulcers just writing about it. It's times like this I wish A Current Affair had never been cancelled.

Mr. Houran, and company have developed a Sliding Obsession Scale:
Entertainment-Social - You just like passing the time talking about who'll win an Emmy, Grammy, etc.

Intense-Personal - You think that Justin Timberlake REALLY meant it when he signed"love you" on that picture for you. Yeah you know the one - you waited in line behind all those screaming 10 year olds to get it.

Borderline-Pathological - You believe that a member of New Kids On The Block will have a hit album, and you'll cut anyone who thinks differently.
Maybe The Good Doctor is pulling the greatest Celebrity Obsession Prank by getting us obsessed by the obsession of celebrity obsession. (Pretty sneaky Sis!). Or maybe he just wants to be a celebrity himself, hence research about celebrities. I saw him on The Today Show yesterday and who knows what else he has been on, pedaling this crap.
"Just worshipping a celebrity does not make you dysfunctional. But it does put you at risk of being so."
- James Houran
That would include Mr. Houran too I suspect.

BTW - Read this angry little exchange about The Good Doctor: Re: Validating The Ramey Memo - Rudiak

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Sorry to intrude. I'm not one of those people who likes starting a fight at someone else's party then leaving - but I feel I've got to warn you.

A little distance sometimes lends clarity to a man's vision and I can't stand by and let the world sleepwalk to destruction. We in Europe lost what little power we had to stop him many years ago. It's now down to the good voters of California to save us all.

Of course I'm talking about Arnold. Cuddly Arnie. Notice the ‘war’ hidden in Schwarzenegger? Maybe now you will. And remember.

For this is one of the most devious and dangerous men alive today - a man for whom even the title ‘Mr Universe’ was not enough. Not even five times. Limited ambition, you see, is not his thing.

He always knew he was special. He even served an apprenticeship as a carpenter such was his feeling of exceptional vocation. But that was before the steroids ate into his brain and he was pulled inexorably into a world of darkness and destruction, and the quest for the ultimate power, the ultimate celebrity as The Man Who Fried The World.

He's not over subtle about it. Any man who can kill 400 plus people in 13 movies is not holding his cards too close to his baby oiled chest now is he? And the titles? True Lies, Terminator, Judgement Day. Any pattern there?

He has now accumulated money, patrician status and the trust of America's young.

Nearly there and still noone suspects.

His weakness, however, is lack of originality and this gives us our best chance to thwart him. The trail from bad films to Govenorship of California to White House is well trodden, nearly as deep and wide as the path to the door of that cabin with the scarlet lamp where the tramp bloke used to live. Just beyond, in that White House, lies the ultimate prize. It's past the cigar moistening suite - that little Red Button, the one that in his testosterone soaked dreams is marked ‘Be Remembered’.

“Oh but he'll never be President, he wasn't born in the US!” I hear you cry. Remember this is a man who beat Lou Ferrigno - the Incredible Hulk himself - in a body building contest by hiding the green one's favourite T-shirt. He knows how to fight dirty. Laws, even constitutions can be changed. Or bent just enough, if you have the will or the strength. He has plans.

His stated aims include ‘reforming the political system’ (para 3). Right. His words not mine. That is so scary that I would type shaky letters if I could.

Y'all will have to come up with a law to disqualify long term steroid abusers and semi-humans from the White House too if you want to collect your pensions.

Stop him. Stop him now. Before it's too late. And preferably before he makes any more films like Kindergarten Cop.

I give you The Anti Christ = Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Monday, September 15, 2003

Dr. Phil is the anti-christ

I'm watching Dr. Phil on tv. Not because i want to. Not because i feel as though i will magically become a better person from the soothing music and the cruel honestly, but because I feel it makes me feel better about myself. This man has started "the most extreme weight-loss challenge" or something like that. From what i can understand Dr. Phil has convinced thousands of fat Americans to tape themselves and apply for this challenge. As if you have to be really totally fucked before you're worthy of getting professional help.

But really i can see right through this. This program isn't for the fat people. Its not to help fat people. Well not actually help them where they need the help. This program is to feed off the fat people of America. This is just going to become a way for fat people to cheer for someone else. Live their shitty lives through other people. That's about the most evil thing someone can do.

This is really only a problem because people are stupid. People can't help themselves. They need help to lose weight. Which i agree with. There are a lot of people that need to lose some weight. But you lose weight by actually doing something. Getting off your fat ass. Putting the fucking fork down. Walking the fucking stairs. We don't need to start a fucking 3 ring circus on tv. We don't need to broadcast this to the world. Dr. Phil does. Dr. Phil needs a new summer cottage. So lets all make stupid little videos of ourselves and send them to a man we really don't know.

Dr. Phil is the anti-christ because he's feeding off the weakness of the weak. Those with little self confidence don't need to be paraded on tv to make other fat people feel better about themselves. They need someone show them that they are worthy of fighting for. Their close friends need to step up and do something.

So stop sending tapes to Dr. Phil. Just start following the food guide to healthy living. Its that simple. But it takes time. No one seems to understand that.

Sunday, September 14, 2003

Vince McMahon is the mind behind the World Wrestling Federation. He came up with the great idea that large men should bodywax themselves and then run around a ring, throwing punches at each other that miss by three feet.

Why did Vince come up with this idea? Well, actually (except for the bodywax stuff) he didn't. There have been wrestling leagues for years. Vince wanted to take wrestling to new levels.

One day he thought to himself, people need to appreciate the acting skills of Hulk Hogan.

So Hulk Hogan started making movies and all was good in the WWF.

Then one day Vince found out that all those vitamins Hulk Hogan told the little hulksters he took to make him big and strong were actually steroids. Hulk then opened his hulkamaniac mouth to the government about steroid use in the WWF.

Vince then thought to himself, I bet people would like to see Jay Leno kick Hulk's ass.

Then all was bad in the WWF

Then things got good again with the Rock.

Then Vince decided, people want to see football with players not good enough to be in the NFL. He capped his decision with having Governor Jesse Ventura do color commentary during games. Vince thought politics and bad football was a winning combination.

Vince was wrong. Oh, was he wrong.

The XFL folded faster than a carnival leaving town. Vince was mocked. Vince's ego couldn't deal with being mocked. So he did what any grown man would do. He became a Vegas lounge singer.

For awhile things were good in Las Vegas. However, Vince got restless and he couldn't stand the thought of being in the same town as Celine Dion. So he did what any middle-aged CEO would do, he went into the ring and started beating up on his employees.

Things were good again.
Hey, guys - I didn't mean you should really stop posting!!

Anyway, my next nomination goes to that fat piece of shit Cruz Bustamonte. Although I find AHNOLD running for governer a bit absurd, it can never approach the absurdity of this asshole wanting to give illegal aliens a drivers license. I'm not going to take credit for this next statement, but I picked it up in something I read and I think it just about says it all. This fat bastard's "transparent bid to hold his job by allowing illegal immigrants to get driver's licenses must recognize what a wonderful thing this will be for all of us. We can all go down and get second licenses, telling the DMV we are illegals from Canada or something. Think how handy that second license will be when stopped by the boys in blue." I'm sure that you all are aware that almost all the 19 9/11 hijackers held illegally-obtained US drivers licenses. What is this fucking idiot thinking? I guess it's ok to compromise national security along as it benefits him personally. If he gets one vote in California, it will be one too much.