There's nothing better than a good Tom Delay quote

Here's a great one from the Houston Press.

DeLay seemed to feel the issue applied personally to him, and perhaps it did. He had graduated from the University of Houston at the height of the Vietnam conflict in 1970, but chose to enlist in the war on cockroaches, fleas and termites as the owner of an exterminator business, rather than going off to battle against the Vietcong.

He and Quayle, DeLay explained to the assembled media in New Orleans, were victims of an unusual phenomenon back in the days of the undeclared Southeast Asian war. So many minority youths had volunteered for the well-paying military positions to escape poverty and the ghetto that there was literally no room for patriotic folks like himself. Satisfied with the pronouncement, which dumbfounded more than a few of his listeners who had lived the sixties, DeLay marched off to the convention.

Here's another on from the blog 181/2 Minute Gap.

Hilarity abounded, as when Tom DeLay took the stage and begain, "Good afternoon, or as John Kerry might say, bonjour." Ummm, Tom? Kerry's not the one with the French last name.

Delay on Meet the Press, Dec. 21, 2003.


"Go after Osama bin Laden"—I knew that that would be the first thing the Democrats said after we got Saddam Hussein. They said, "Oh, well, that's good we got Saddam Hussein, but you haven't gotten Osama bin Laden." What we have gotten is we've destroyed his network. The president took the war to them in Afghanistan. We can do both and we did both. We've upset the al-Qaida networks to the point that they can't do anything right now.

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge changed the national threat level from yellow to orange on the same day Delay declared "al-Qaida networks" destroyed on Meet the Press.

Last, but not certainly not least - Tom Delay the telemarketer.

First there was a recorded message: “This is Congressman Tom DeLay. I’m asking you to serve as an honorary chairman on our business advisory council, and you will be recognized with our national leadership award.”

Then, a telemarketer came on the line: “You’d be invited to private dinners with congressmen and quarterly strategy sessions in Washington.”

In the call, Helton was also promised an exclusive black-tie president’s dinner and his name in a newspaper ad.

REQUEST FOR A GIFT

Then came the pitch from the telemarketer: “We’re asking each chairman for a one-time gift of $300 or $500 for the ad. Can we count on your support?”

Helton replied: “That’s pushing my budget a little. Does it have to be paid all at once?”

“Would $100 or $200 be any better for you? And I could even split that down into two payments as well,” replied the telemarketer.

Helton, an independent voter who voted for Bush in the last presidential election, did not send a dime. “It was dishonest, it was sleazy, and it was certainly unbecoming a national party like this,” said Helton.

The whole Nathaniel Heatwole fiasco has been in the news for awhile now. I thought I post some of what what the Smoking Gun wrote to show people how serious the breach to airport security was.

Remarkably, Heatwole sent an e-mail to the Transportation Security Administration on September 15 with a subject line reading, "Information Regarding 6 Recent Security Breaches." The e-mail, which carried Heatwole's name and telephone number, detailed how the writer smuggled box cutters, blades, a knife, bleach, and "a simulated plastic explosive" onto planes at Raleigh-Durham International Airport and Baltimore-Washington International Airport. Despite Heatwole's acknowledgement in the e-mail that his actions were illegal, TSA representatives apparently never bothered to investigate his claim. Heatwole's gambit, a misguided attempt to call attention to what he saw as lapses in airline security, triggered the inspection last week of the entire commercial air fleet, about 7,000 planes.

Trent Lott's toupee is the work of bad carpet makers that decided as a prank they would convince a U.S. Senator that he would look cool if he wore it. Not since Burt Reynolds has the world seen a head of hair that looked as obviously fake.

Where do men like these get their head of hair you ask? Why New York Carpet World ofcourse. The store has a friendly staff that will help a customer find the proper head of hair and cut a piece for you. So come on down and get yourself some new hair so all your friends can say, "Hey, your hair looks as cool as Trent Lott's."

Mike Farrell is the Anti-Christ

Yeah, BJ Hunnycutt, that guy from M*A*S*H. Anybody who can go on national TV and tell a cop's widow that his convicted killer should be released must be the Anti-Christ.

The Clash Part II

I want to know who has sold out The Clash to satan? Now I've heard the lyrics to Police on my Back on the USA channel to promote Law and Order: SVU. I like that show but to use The Clash as a promotional tool goes against everything The Clash stood for. To make it worse I'm bringing back suppressed memories of London Calling being used on a car commercial and Should I Stay or Should I Go being used on a Smirnoff Ice radio ad. The last two were made while Joe Strummer was alive. Bring me the head of who is responsible.

I'll make this one short. Whoever allowed The Clash's "London Calling" to be played as a commercial for some teen feel good chick flick is obviously in league with satan. Joe Strummer must be rolling in his grave.

Since there was a previous post about Arnold Schwarzenegger, I thought I would post a parody movie of his appearance on "The Tonight Show."

Why?

We're talking about the guy that was in Hercules In New York, running for Governor of California. The parody flash movie for some reason seems closer to reality than what is going on in California.

Vince McMahon is the mind behind the World Wrestling Federation. He came up with the great idea that large men should bodywax themselves and then run around a ring, throwing punches at each other that miss by three feet.

Why did Vince come up with this idea? Well, actually (except for the bodywax stuff) he didn't. There have been wrestling leagues for years. Vince wanted to take wrestling to new levels.

One day he thought to himself, people need to appreciate the acting skills of Hulk Hogan.

So Hulk Hogan started making movies and all was good in the WWF.

Then one day Vince found out that all those vitamins Hulk Hogan told the little hulksters he took to make him big and strong were actually steroids. Hulk then opened his hulkamaniac mouth to the government about steroid use in the WWF.

Vince then thought to himself, I bet people would like to see Jay Leno kick Hulk's ass.

Then all was bad in the WWF

Then things got good again with the Rock.

Then Vince decided, people want to see football with players not good enough to be in the NFL. He capped his decision with having Governor Jesse Ventura do color commentary during games. Vince thought politics and bad football was a winning combination.

Vince was wrong. Oh, was he wrong.

The XFL folded faster than a carnival leaving town. Vince was mocked. Vince's ego couldn't deal with being mocked. So he did what any grown man would do. He became a Vegas lounge singer.

For awhile things were good in Las Vegas. However, Vince got restless and he couldn't stand the thought of being in the same town as Celine Dion. So he did what any middle-aged CEO would do, he went into the ring and started beating up on his employees.

Things were good again.

Bob Saget is a good candidate for being the Anti-Christ. Any man whose real name is Robbit Saget Krunch-Miace has been spawned by Satan in the fire pits of hell.

Saget is known to most for being the TV dad to the Olsen Twins. Those two money-grubbing Lolitas that sell horribly tacky merchandise to preteen girls.

Mr. Saget has distinguished himself as an actor in such movies as Girl Buys Soup While Woman Weds Ape. Men on death row should not have to be forced to watch this movie.

What is even worse is that Saget (through his wickedness) has made people write bad poems about him and publish them on the internet. There is nothing more evil then bad internet poetry.

Neil Diamond is the anti christ. He is a Jewish man who makes horrible Christmas records and dressess like Tom Jones. My pal Discothekid told me that the Diamond Man looks like a figure skater on the cover of the album Hot August Night 2. No man should walk around dressed like a figure skater.

Diamond's most evil deed may well be his movie "The Jazz Singer." He acting was so bad that he won a Razzie Award (for worst actor) for his efforts. Never was an award so worthy of an actor.

I still shake my head in disgust everytime I hear this heterosexual man sing, "You don't bring me flowers."

Dave Matthews Is Bad, But He's Not The Antichrist

Trench: I have a deep respect for you and your blog. But I have a feeling I might be a little older than you, and as such, I guess I’ve seen more evil than you can imagine.

I’ve been fighting evil for a long time: back in the dark times, the so-called “80’s…”

Yes, I'm talking about the Michael Jackson Wars.

I was there.

The forces of evil were strong back then: not just Michael Jackson himself, but Madonna, George Michael and Boy George. They just kept coming.

Perhaps you laugh when you hear those names today and jokes about molesting boys and bathroom stalls come to mind.

But back then, there was no greater danger.

I myself had a small band of fighters who were with me. We were a ragged group, dedicated to idea that music had to better than the shit playing on the radio.

I watched as my friends were whittled down in that horrible decade.

Some of them heard the siren song of S&M trash metal from LA. I last saw them wandering off into a haze of pot smoke (not that there’s anything wrong with that – wink, wink!). Guys who got girlfriends tried to convince us that Duran Duran was cool. The art guys were ambushed by the hideous Talking Heads, and computer nerds succumbed to Devo. And of course, the gay guys were picked off one by one in the Depeche Mode Assaults of 1986.

I watched a good friend torn to pieces right in front of my eyes. He was tempted by his girlfriend (a seductress who would soon dump his sorry ass). I’ll never forget his last words. “Huey Lewis isn’t so bad,” he said, as his eyes glazed over in a death trance.

It was just me and a few others. We were just the pimply kids who wouldn’t compromise and couldn’t get girlfriends. Our backs were against the wall.

We were that close to going out …forever.

But one man turned it around. He taught us to fight bad music, and smash their worthless vinyl albums into junk.

Hi name was… Paul Westerberg.

You probably never heard of him, Trench. He fronted a band called the Replacements. Paul Westerberg wasn’t some fag who went to a party drinking California Coolers, hoping to meet girls. He slugged back a fifth of bourbon, gave those assholes the finger and always managed to go home with the hottest chick at the party. And somehow, she was drunker than him.

The Replacements’ music (might I suggest “Sorry Ma, Forgot To Take Out The Trash”) was Nirvana without the happy lyrics and radio play. It was the distilled precursor to grunge – a sweaty, nasty sneer at the world.

Westerberg got me through the 80’s. He taught me how to survive the Michael Jackson Wars. He helped to see what good music is, so that I could also see what evil music is. (But he’s done nothing but crap since).

Dave Matthews is evil. There is no question about that. “Gravedigger,” which I heard on my XM today, is an especially bad song, filled with all the self-righteous bullshit that the fat, bald guy can muster. The posturing of this awful song is only interrupted when the “singer” inexplicably begins singing “Ring Around The Rosy,” that old childhood earworm, because the scumbag had forgotten the words to his song and was too stoned to think up new ones.

But Dave Matthews is not the Antichrist. He is only a tiny smelly fart in a big, furious thunderstorm.

Dave Matthews is the Anti-Christ

I have been studying this "man" for a while now and I'll show you my evidence from my journals.

This was my first notation about Dave Mathews...

I've said it before and i'll say it again. Dave Matthews is the Anti-Christ. I just don't get it. His music sucks out loud. It's the most boring crap I've heard put on the radio since REM. What is the big attraction?

And now he's Dave Matthews enviromentalist. That's the 3rd "6" right there. Check out this article from CNN. The singer now has his own Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor. And the flavor has a goal. It's goal is to make people more aware of global warming. Nice piece of marketing there Dave. Make people think of global warming by EATING SOMETHING COLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dumbass.Actually shouldn't you be hoping for more global warming then that would increase sales in your ice cream.

Global warming is a big myth anyway. It may feel like the world is getting warmer but its not. No matter how many unbearable summers I go through they rarely break the heat records that were set back in the late 1800's and early 1900's. Always on the news the weather guy says "but we still didn't break the record set back in 5 BC." or something like that. For more info go to Globalwarming.org

In conclusion Dave Matthews is satan. Its the only way to explain his mass appeal considering he has no talent and hugs trees.

I incurred the wrath of his many minions..

GROW UP AND GET A LIFE ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your a stupid bastard.
you can lick dave matthews sweaty balls mother fucker
Your a waste of good oxygen you trench coat wearin' mother fucker! Your a narrow minded piece of shit.
Are you fucking crazy??
Fuck you who don't like him you ignorant bastards.

Only aspersions like that could truly come from the mouth of hell.

But this is the most damning evidence of all.

Lightning Strike Injures 8 At Dave Matthews Band Concert:

It just proves that even God hates Dave Matthews.

Blog Fright

A new blog. I just can't make myself write...

Dave Matthews is not really the anti-christ, though he could qualify for the time being as one of Satan's minions. In a few years, he'll just be some kind of pitiful thing, like Hootie. Johnny Depp, however, in my opinion, is making great strides....